The key to tapping into anger as a tool is to allow ourselves to go underneath the anger into the underlying commitment behind the anger. Are you pissed off enough to change?
Why did you set the goals for yourself that you’ve set? Why start the business, the book, the project?
I was at a mastermind event with a group of business leaders in Austin, TX led by the incredible Candy Barone and when this subject came up, and the answer was surprisingly consistent among the people in the room.
We had gotten pissed off. Angry. Even righteous….and decided to do something about it.
In the worlds of leadership, personal development, and transformation we often shy away from using or acknowledging anger as a motivating force, but it can be a tremendous source of energy and forward momentum.
The key to tapping into anger as a tool is to allow ourselves to go underneath the anger into the underlying commitment behind the anger.
What we get most fired up about are usually those areas that hold the most meaning for us. Things that aren’t meaningful to us tend to fade in and out of our awareness without leaving a lasting impression.
There’s a deep commitment that you have to something underneath the emotional fire, something that calls you to react strongly and feel motivated to respond and take action. Now imagine using that automatic motivation, that intense rush of energy, and putting it to use towards effective action that is in alignment with your commitment, your values, your passion.
For your brain and business ‘food’ this week and viewing pleasure, here’s what we’re discussing:
Tapping into what gets you angry as a tool to create more clarity
Aligning your goals with your values
Red flags to pay attention to when it comes to anger
Using your anger as a directional needle to get more focused
How to direct your anger and upset into productive, clear action.
What do you get fired up about and what’s your underlying commitment that triggers that response? Let’s get the conversation going and unleash your voice – the world needs you!
Ready to turn that anger into a productive business?
Heather Parbst, business development and team building maven, agreed to share her expertise and thoughts on the topic of leadership sabotage, particularly for women leaders but these issues can extend across age, gender, etc. SOAK THIS IN.
What do you think of this statement?
“I, too, am a “doer.” I’ve always taken pride in this title. People know they can count on me, that I will be responsible and produce a good product. Throughout my career, this was my modus operandi. I worked hard, doing more than my fair share and assuming the responsibilities of others when they were quite capable of doing it themselves. Then, I would feel resentful when others didn’t acknowledge my efforts or step in to take some of the work off my plate.”
Holy.Crap.
When I read these words from business development and team building maven Heather Parbst, I felt as though I had written them myself. Can you relate?
So today, Heather agreed to share her expertise and thoughts on the topic of leadership sabotage, particularly for women leaders but these issues can extend across age, gender, etc. SOAK THIS IN.
Work hard and reap the benefits. That’s what you’ve done so far in your career and it has worked to propel you forward. You are known as a “doer.” You get it done, whatever “it” is. People describe you as competent and dependable. They know they can count on you. It has been your hard work and sweat that have gotten you to where you are.
Women often think that our sweat alone is the primary driver of our success. People will see our abilities for what they are based on: our work product and the amount of effort we extend. We work hard to prove our competence and to show that we bring value. This works great in school. Work hard, get the good grade. Work hard, get into the good school. Work hard, get the promotion. You see where I am going. It works… until it doesn’t.
Let me explain.
I, too, am a “doer.” I’ve always taken pride in this title. People know they can count on me, that I will be responsible and produce a good product. Throughout my career, this was my modus operandi. I worked hard, doing more than my fair share and assuming the responsibilities of others when they were quite capable of doing it themselves. Then, I would feel resentful when others didn’t acknowledge my efforts or step in to take some of the work off my plate.
Prior to a leadership role, this was a personal aggravation. But, once I was heading up a team, it became a massive bottleneck. Instead of empowering my team, my actions said, “I don’t believe in you to do this work, so I will do it myself” or “You don’t have to do this work. I will take care of it for you.” Meanwhile, my burning the candle at both ends was standing in the way of my business success and causing me to burn out. And it certainly was not scalable.
Gender-Bias Is a Factor
There is a natural tendency for women to “over-row the boat,” as Susan MacKenty Brady, chief strategist with Linkage Inc., likes to say. This is partly due to gender bias. A well-known illustration of gender bias at play is the 2012 study by Yale University where 100 fictional, identical resumes for a lab manager position were sent to 100 faculty members nationwide to assess what their hiring decisions would be based solely on the resumes. The only difference between the resumes was that half bore the name “John” and the other half said “Jennifer.” You probably know the story. John was rated more competent and hirable, and he was given a salary of $4,000 more annually than Jennifer. Despite both candidates having the exact same qualifications, Jennifer was perceived as less deserving of the job. Hopefully you can see how this sets Jennifer up for having to work significantly harder to demonstrate her value.
We Do It to Ourselves Too
But, gender bias is only part of the problem. Our own false beliefs about work, worth and competence also play a role in why we work ourselves ragged. Inside, we may secretly wish that someone else, our spouse, our boss, our coworker, will see how much we are contributing and acknowledge our efforts. This can be particularly true if we struggle with talking about our ourselves, our own strengths and accomplishments. We may simply be scared to give up control for fear of things not being done to our expectations or standards. Or we believe that by doing it all at or near perfection proves our value and eliminates the chance that others may question whether we are deserving.
What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There
Thinking in this way is a tragedy. Why? Because the “do it all at 110%” approach that got us the job or powered us through starting our business will sabotage us as leaders. Midway through our careers, instead of hitting our stride and putting our accumulated knowledge and skills to work, we feel exhausted and just want a break. When we are best poised to use our talents to lead others forward to greatness, we are longing instead for a long rest.
Stop Hyper-Performing and Start Delegating
Hyper-performing will certainly help us to a point, but our personal energy isn’t scalable and, frankly, over-performing is exhausting! At a certain point, if we want to continue to increase our impact, we must change our approach. The shift here is to learn how to leverage the talents and gifts of those around us. Instead of drawing on our ability to power through and do it all, we need to draw on our other skills, like collaboration and communication.
We need to level up our mindset, rising above thoughts like, “I want to advance my career, take on this role, grow this business by doing X, but I just don’t know how I’ll get it all done.” We must understand that the work is not all for us to do. We enlist others. We empower others to do their jobs and to build their skills along the way. We ask others to help. Our new way of thinking sounds like, “I want to accomplish X. How can I inspire others to help me and how do I leverage their talents to get it done?”
It’s Not All About You
Sometimes the most difficult hurdle to this mental shift is getting past the belief that our delegation is self-serving. You protecting your own sanity is good for everybody! By easing your burdens so that you can focus on your true priorities in a way that best utilizes your skills and prevents burnout, you are driving your entire team forward and setting an excellent example of quality leadership. You are also creating opportunities for your team to expound on their skills. Remember that when you choose to do it all, you are limiting their success (let that last one soak in for a minute).
So, whether you are dealing with “Team Work” or “Team Family,” the answer to getting it all done and increasing your impact is the same—stop doing it all yourself.
Recruit assistance, delegate and scale!
Heather Parbst is the founder ofClarity3 Consulting, a firm focused on helping entrepreneurs grow strong, healthy businesses. She founded Clarity3 after selling her own IT company and wanting to help others achieve entrepreneurial success. Having a background in behavioral science and experience as a CEO and business owner, Heather brings a unique perspective to the world of entrepreneurship and leadership. She particularly enjoys working with women to grow as leaders and scale their businesses.
Heather Parbst – Business development & team building maven
Ready to step into a new level of leadership and break through old, self-sabotaging habits and beliefs?
Your resistance may be keeping you from what you want and not allowing you to get stuff done. And this is the type of resistance I'm talking about here: The most common type of resistance I see in creative people.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE!!!!
No. Nope. Definitely Not. That’s the last thing we need.
Resistance keeps us from having what we want and getting stuff done.
How many times have you had a phenomenal idea but not acted on it, and then you see someone else making it happen?
Do you know how long it took me to break through my resistance to offer the audiobook production and publishing services in my business that I’m now known for?
4 YEARS
The type of resistance I encountered and ultimately (thank goodness!) overcame is a very common type of resistance I see in creative people.
In essence, this type of resistance is the result of a fear/concern that the vision we have for our idea might not match the reality. The fear of things not working out is crushing to the point where we’d rather have the fantasy than risk the reality of possible disappointment.
There are two other types of resistance that are unfortunately common but fortunately very ‘treatable’ once you know what you’re dealing with.
Resistance Type 2 is when you’re up against the need to learn something new, and you know it would probably be good for you and benefit you, but you just can’t generate any energy around learning this new skill or doing what needs to be done.
Often this is a situation of “I CAN learn this, but I hate it.” Or, “Yeah, I can do this but it takes me forever/I don’t like it/there’s so many other things I could be doing.”
FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is also the source of this type of resistance. It’s so easy to get pulled off track by wanting to jump on a trend or new bit of technology.
Alleviating this type of resistance is best served by bringing in more teamwork – either with your colleagues or by hiring someone – or by getting creative and finding a solution that’s better suited to your strengths and priorities.
And then there's Resistance Type 3...I start discussing the finer points of this resistance at 4:03 into the video, and really you want to listen to this part there if you haven’t listened to the entire 6 minutes already.
Either you’ll laugh or you’ll want to slap me. Possibly both. Let me know.
This week, observe where you’re experiencing some resistance and see where you can find more creative solutions, bring in more teamwork, and/or get out of your own way. What type of resistance are you dealing with?
Ready to break through your resistance and get results?
I’ve put together some audio and video production tips and techniques for you to help you get started using audio and video so that you can experiment with getting yourself and your message out into the world in a bigger way.
There are few things more frustrating than having a great idea and then getting bogged down, slowed down, or flat out stopped by the learning curve of dealing with technology.
Got a great idea for a show…but you don’t know how to set up a podcast.
Want to try out Facebook Live…but you don’t want your lighting or background to look bad on camera.
Well, guess what?
One of the most valuable pieces of coaching I ever received, and I also pass this on to all my clients, is simply this.
The main reason my company is called “Start Something” is because where most people get stopped with bringing their ideas, dreams, and goals into reality is in the STARTING. Once you start taking steps, momentum takes over and it’s easier to move forward and see your path.
It’s the first steps that are the most shaky – particularly when it comes to getting yourself out into the public eye with audio and video.
I’m not a highly technical person, and at the same time I like to get things DONE and done well. I also don’t have an unlimited well of patience. Not.Even.Close.
If this sounds a bit like you too, I’ve put together some tips and techniques for you to help you get started using audio and video so that you can experiment with getting yourself and your message out into the world in a bigger way.
Audio and video need to be demonstrated rather than talked about, and in the 5 minute video you’ll see today…
What microphone I use
What you can ‘get away with’ depending on if you’re doing video or audio only
How to record audio ‘on the road’
My super easy, portable ‘recording studio’ setup
Setting up a video background when your room is a mess
Ideas for natural, easy video backgrounds
The most important element of producing your audio and video messages.
I invite you to experiment this week and try doing a short video, audio, or Facebook Live using these tips – if you do, TAG ME on social media or send me the clip so I can acknowledge you for taking steps towards living the life of your dreams and making the world a better place.
Got more audio/video tips? Let’s chat in the comments!
Rant Warning – This common ‘advice' hurts more than it helps…
Sigh…
I’m listening along in a really good, NY Times bestselling audiobook about success and reaching your goals and all pumped up, doing my thing on the elliptical machine when suddenly IT happens.
That moment where I want to throw large, heavy objects through windows.
Christ/Krishna on a cracker, did she HAVE to go there?
We were all good until she insisted that the difference between success and failure, between reaching your goals and a life of mediocrity and disappointment, was one simple thing.
“Your limiting beliefs.”
AAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH!! Do you know what this statement is?
Yes. It’s a trap. This is the single most widely accepted piece of success advice that causes the most damage – both emotionally as well as pragmatically.
This entire conversation that “you’ll never be successful if you have limiting beliefs,” has GOT to go.
Of COURSE it’s important to work on yourself. But if you believe you can’t be successful because you haven’t worked out your limiting beliefs…THAT’S A LIMITING BELIEF!!
By the way, the video will clarify this issue loud and clear, but NSFW 🙂
Human beings are works in progress. Is being a good person a prerequisite for success? Um..no. I mean seriously, have you seen the number of ‘successful’ megalomaniac jackasses out there?
I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve felt like a complete freaking moron, worried that I had NO idea what I was doing and that I get embarrassed, laughed at or called out. Fearful that I’d lose money or waste all my time.
What’s most powerful to create success (YOUR definition of success) is to take consistent actions, however small, to shift yourself BOTH from the inside out and from the outside in.
Babies learn to walk by walking, pianists learn to play from practicing, successful people learn to be successful by taking actions consistent with their vision of success.
There is power in giving yourself permission to get obsessed. Here is when it's the perfect time to get obsessed.
For a long time in my business, I struggled with focusing in on a niche. I worried I was going to miss out on clients, that I wasn’t going to use my talents fully, or that I wasn’t throwing a “wide enough net.”
I even thought that the whole “niche” thing was a bit of a myth, and that as long as I knew the TYPE of business owner I wanted to work with, that was enough. My clients were getting amazing results doubling their income, their free time, and their influence, and I thought that was enough – but I still felt like the world’s best-kept secret.
Then I got obsessed, and everything changed.
I experienced the kind of business growth and opportunities you hear about in those webinar success stories, and that success continues to accelerate.
Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about obsession in the clinical sense, but rather giving ourselves permission, unashamedly and unabashedly, to dive deep into that which we are deeply interested in and passionate about.
Since I was 2 years old, I’ve had two pervasive interests – reading books, and microphones. But because I found these things so delightful, I had them classified as hobbies and filed them away in my brain in a compartment labeled, “PLEASURE ONLY: NOT FOR BUSINESS USE.”
It wasn’t until I allowed myself to pursue my interest-turning-obsession in voice acting and narrating audiobooks (the intersection of books and microphones) that I made the discovery that changed everything.
Simply put – in the circles of entrepreneurs I knew, everyone had a book, but no one had an audiobook.
My brain exploded into a frenzy of WHY????
And that’s when I went down the rabbit hole of audiobooks, podcasting, and audio marketing – reading articles, listening, researching, talking with people, asking question after question, and then experimenting…and then more questions…and then more experimenting.
Within 6 months of launching done for you audiobook production and publishing for nonfiction authors as a service, audiobooks became 75% of my company and I had doubled my sales for the year.
I continued to focus on my audio obsession, and had another 30% growth the following year, expanding my team and becoming the sole earner for my family – I semi-retired my husband so he could go back to university and go deep into his obsession too.
And here’s my favorite part.
I became more myself.
Bringing more of what I loved-those things that made me essentially ME into my work-allowed a space of freedom, confidence, and feeling ‘at home’ in my work. Do you think that helps with productivity, decision making, and leadership? HELL YES.
NOW, set yourself some time to pursue the interests you absolutely love and start a healthy obsession! Share your comments about what you’re ‘obsessed’ about or what you want to become obsessed about.
Want some help figuring out what obsession will boost your business?
Here are several key elements that you need to create the year you really want.
Did your 2018 start with a bang, or a whimper?
When it comes to creating a satisfying, fulfilling year, I’ve learned that taking time to create what Stephen Covey would’ve called “big rocks” (major goals) at the beginning of each year is key.
Do you set up a vision and goals for yourself each year?
Here are several key elements that you need to achieve what’s most important to you THIS YEAR.
Remember creating the vision of your Perfect Day? Once you have that vision, take a moment to bring up how it feels in your body, mind, and spirit. Take note of the feelings and sensations, and write them down.**Pro Tip: by remembering how the emotions and body sensations feel, you can practice bringing those feelings and sensations up in your body, mind, and spirit on a daily basis. Feeling amazing takes PRACTICE, and this is a fabulous mental discipline.
Choose 1-3 key feeling terms that you want to guide or characterize your year. In 2018, my husband and I chose to make this the year of Curiosity & Wonder. You already know I’m a HUGE fan of curiosity as a tool to give ourselves access to more courage, dispel fear, and increase our productivity and focus. Adding Wonder to the mix allows me to truly enjoy the journey, find beauty in small things, and engage my ‘beginners mind’ and allow more contribution from others.**Pro Tip: Setting goals and actions in a space of physical and mental space that is positive will result in very different decision making than a space of fear, constriction, or control.
Set 2 primary business or professional outcomes and 2 primary personal outcomes for 2018. The old saying goes…“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”It’s more important to focus on a couple of primary outcomes that are the most important and impactful to you, rather than a laundry list that’s overwhelming.
For each of your 2 biz and 2 personal outcomes, create “horizons” that help you turn your big outcomes into smaller ones. I call these smaller goals or outcomes “horizons” because they represent, in a metaphorical sense, about how far out into the future you can “see.” In other words, when you’re eating an elephant, the horizons are the “one bite at a time” part of that meal.**Pro Tip: I set my Horizons to be every 2 months, then review, assess, and refresh for the next two months.
Left to our own devices, goal setting can seem a little overwhelming at times. There’s creating the Vision, then creating the steps between your current world and what you want to create, and then implementing it all! Right now, you may not know all you’ll need to know to have the outcome you want actually HAPPEN.
It’s ok, just take the first step by declaring what you want, and then part of the process is figuring out the how.
Check the video below for more ways to create the year you really want, plus more detailed tips, techniques, and inspiration!
Ready to create an incredible year? Schedule a Discovery Call and let's explore working together to bring your vision into reality
Holiday marketing is already well underway, but it’s not too late to put into place some simple ways to boost your book sales over the holidays, particularly if you’ve got your books on Amazon.
Amazon OWNS the holiday sales season.
Everyone is in a buying mood from about the beginning of November through the beginning of January, so it’s the perfect time to piggyback on that trend and sell more of your books.
Here’s a quick timeline to guide your holiday marketing.
Early November to Thanksgiving
Emphasize in your social media and emails that books make wonderful gifts and shopping early saves time and stress
Offer pre-holiday book bundles if you have more than one book
Collaborate with other author friends and all offer discounts on your book on the same day(s) – send out an email and social media posts all on the same day to promote each other’s books.
Black Friday through Cyber Monday
Everyone is going to Amazon to shop, so remind people they can add on your book to their order and perhaps offer your book at a discount
Run ads in book deals newsletters that go out in this time frame.
Early to Mid-December
Offer a discount to colleagues/contacts who have teams and/or employees to buy your book(s) in bulk to go with their holiday gift giving
Donate a box of your books to a charity or not for profit that would benefit, and create a PR/photo opportunity to promote both you and the charity
Suggest to colleagues that putting a gift card or bonus check inside of a book instead of just a card is a cool and classy option for team members or clients.
December 20-24
Remind people that ebooks require no shipping
Use language that talks about last-minute gifts and stocking stuffers.
January 1-7
People want to spend those gift cards they got over the holidays AND they are looking to set their goals for the New Year – suggest that they invest in themselves by buying your book
Offer your book as a gift/bonus for those people who schedule discovery calls with you for your programs and services
Create a free book club around your book to start the new year off and do a series of 4 free calls going through what you’re teaching in the book – simply require that participants prove purchase of the book buy sending you a picture of them with the book (pssst- get permission and use those pics in your marketing later!)
Do you need to do ALL of these? No, but you may be tempted to! Choose one that feels most free and easy to you, and simply take action on getting that one thing done. Then, do another!
We’re always here to support you in your marketing strategy and implementation to get your message out to the world and reach more readers and leaders.
Which one of these will you use to sell more books? Let us know – knowing that you are out there fulfilling your dreams and goals is a gift to me 🙂
Are you launching a new book or do you want to revive an older title? We can help you reach new markets and leverage your hard work with Audiobooks – the fastest growing segment of the publishing world!
Did you know that you can reduce your stress immediately with simple vocal techniques? Here are two quick techniques you can try out today.
You’re in a state of tension, stress, fear, worry, or anxiety-and what happens? Your shoulders naturally raise to protect the vulnerable throat and neck.
In many cultural traditions, the throat represents the center of creativity, self-expression, and communication. It’s also the conduit between your body and your head/mind, representing the link between your thoughts and feelings, or the “Mind-Body Connection.”
When you create more freedom in your throat and neck, you open your ability to express yourself more effectively and generate a greater sense of confidence and well being.
The musculature of the throat is incredibly complex, and I think very beautiful with all its fine, interwoven connections that allow us such flexibility of movement. We often take for granted that freedom of movement until we spend too many hours at the computer, or experience high stress levels – then we sure do notice that tension in our throats, necks, and shoulders.
Since there’s no machine at the gym to exercise your neck and throat (I think I’m grateful for that), you can use your voice to release the tension in your throat and really, your entire body.
Here are couple of techniques you can try out today and feel free to let us know what you notice.
1. Sigh like my Italian Grandmother
My great-grandmother was a 4’5” marvel of efficiency and energy. In the afternoons when she allowed herself to rest in her chair for a while (usually while crocheting something), she would repeatedly release a deep sigh. At the time I wondered why, but now I know that she was releasing tension in her body.
Take a deep belly breath in through your nose and allow yourself to sigh it out. (Bonus points for allowing any sound to come out with the sigh.) The long exhale combined with the vibration of the “ah” sound triggers your parasympathetic nervous system and your body’s relaxation response.
If you’re trying to feel more relaxed before you work with a client, enter a meeting or wind down at the end of the day, this is one of my favorite exercises.
2. Try the “One Word Rant”
If you’ve read my e-book called “Solve Any Problem in 10 Minutes,” you’ve learned about the creative problem-solving technique I developed based on our very human tendency to worry and complain. Often, what is beneath our concern is something we are deeply committed to. Otherwise, we wouldn't get upset!
This technique allows you to quickly take solution-focused action, using what you're upset about as the access point. The result is feeling relieved, clear and more at peace due to the fact that you've given a voice to your concerns and addressed them in a powerful manner.
A shortcut version of this technique to simply release tension and clear your mind is called the One Word Rant. The word used in this technique is, “why.” Why? Because that's the question we're really asking ourselves at the heart of our stress and upset.
“Why is this happening?”
“Why are they doing/saying that?”
“Why can't I feel better?
When we allow ourselves to express our frustration in a safe, quick and healthy way, the brain and body respond with a cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that feel good, such as epinephrine and testosterone (yep, even for women) and we feel clearer and more focused.
The technique is simple, but you'll want to be in a private or quiet place since this involves some vocalization. I've been known to do this in the car.
Ideally, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart or wider, and semi-squat like a sumo wrestler. Throw your hands in the air above your head, take a deep breath and loudly exclaim “Whyyy!” You don't want to say it so loud as to strain your voice or throat, but you definitely want to express your “why” loud and proud.
Yes, I’m serious. I’ve facilitated this in a group of 50 or so leaders and the results were amazing. The simplicity of the “why” allowed the group to bond without having to explain or share a lot of personal feelings that may have caused them to feel vulnerable. At the same time, that shared experience of making a loud noise together in unison elevated the energy in the entire room. The group collectively felt heard and acknowledged.
The chemical cascade of hormones and endorphins the One Word Rant releases is simply wonderful. Generally, this technique is more energizing than the Italian Grandma Sigh, so I tend to use it if I’m having a frustrating day or if I need to boost my energy before speaking or a meeting.
This is also a fabulous tool to show your kids to help them learn to shift their stress and state of mind quickly, without a lot of “talking about it” that may be difficult for them to articulate or stressful to share with a parent.
We lead busy lives and we need solutions quickly. Try one or both of these techniques this week to reduce your stress and keep yourself going and growing.
What opportunities and possibilities do you find yourself diminishing or killing off because you're afraid to say the wrong thing?
Have you ever been asked this question?
“If you were a super villain, who would you be and what would be your power?”
This was not a question that my chiropractor was used to being asked, but I had just come from a conference call with some colleagues where we were discussing how to bring more of our personalities into our businesses and brands, and the topic of heroes and villains had come up.
You know,” my chiropractor pondered, “I think the worst feeling in the world is shame. It just stops people in their tracks. So my supervillain would be Shame Spiral, and he would freeze people from the power of shame.”
Wow.
Do you have conversations like this with your health providers? Because seriously, you should.
Author and shame researcher Brené Brown says, “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough….it corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
Shame and the avoidance of shame shows up as embarrassment or fear of embarrassment, anxiety, depression, worry, resentment – what’s your flavor?
And shame definitely shows up as your fear of “saying the wrong thing.”
What opportunities and possibilities do you find yourself diminishing or killing off because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking foolish, or being wrong, or not looking good? How do you make yourself smaller and less bright because of how you think what you have to say might or might not come across to others?
Shame, in our bodies, can feel like we are dying – so we try and avoid it at all costs.
However, the solution to what to do when you’re afraid of shame, embarrassment, “looking bad” and saying the wrong thing is counterintuitive. I echo what Brené says…
“As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!”
Courage is the antidote to shame. So then, how to create courage? My favorite activation point for courage is one simple and easy to conjure feeling.
Curiosity.
The courageous lion is still a cat, our avatar for curiosity. When you are feeling concerns about saying the wrong thing, being embarrassed, or risking shame, engaging your curiosity triggers your creativity, your inner wonder-er, and your sense of play.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to engage your curiosity and replace your own personal “Shame Spiral” with your inner “Courageous Curious Crusader.”
Shame Trigger 1: “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Curiosity Trigger 1: “I wonder how I’ll grow from this experience.”
Shame Trigger 2: “What if they don’t like it/me/this?”
Curiosity Trigger 2: “This is going to be interesting-I wonder where this will lead me?”
Shame Trigger 3: “I’m not qualified to do this.”
Curiosity Trigger 3: “I wonder what I can add in to my knowledge or expertise to make this even better?”
Notice the pattern of the phrase, “I wonder…” This simple phrase is a deep and effective trigger to shift you from a shame reaction to a courageous and curious one.
We are always in the process of evolving into our greatness, try on replacing your automatic responses of shame, worry, and concern this week with those of curiosity, and see where it leads you – and let us know what you discover, we read and respond to every email.
