What opportunities and possibilities do you find yourself diminishing or killing off because you're afraid to say the wrong thing?

Have you ever been asked this question?

“If you were a super villain, who would you be and what would be your power?”

This was not a question that my chiropractor was used to being asked, but I had just come from a conference call with some colleagues where we were discussing how to bring more of our personalities into our businesses and brands, and the topic of heroes and villains had come up.

You know,” my chiropractor pondered, “I think the worst feeling in the world is shame. It just stops people in their tracks. So my supervillain would be Shame Spiral, and he would freeze people from the power of shame.”

Wow.

Do you have conversations like this with your health providers? Because seriously, you should.

Author and shame researcher Brené Brown says, “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough….it corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

Shame and the avoidance of shame shows up as embarrassment or fear of embarrassment, anxiety, depression, worry, resentment – what’s your flavor?

And shame definitely shows up as your fear of “saying the wrong thing.”

What opportunities and possibilities do you find yourself diminishing or killing off because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking foolish, or being wrong, or not looking good? How do you make yourself smaller and less bright because of how you think what you have to say might or might not come across to others?

Shame, in our bodies, can feel like we are dying – so we try and avoid it at all costs.

However, the solution to what to do when you’re afraid of shame, embarrassment, “looking bad” and saying the wrong thing is counterintuitive.  I echo what Brené says…

“As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!”

Courage is the antidote to shame. So then, how to create courage? My favorite activation point for courage is one simple and easy to conjure feeling.

Curiosity.

The courageous lion is still a cat, our avatar for curiosity. When you are feeling concerns about saying the wrong thing, being embarrassed, or risking shame, engaging your curiosity triggers your creativity, your inner wonder-er, and your sense of play.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to engage your curiosity and replace your own personal “Shame Spiral” with your inner “Courageous Curious Crusader.”

Shame Trigger 1:  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Curiosity Trigger 1:  “I wonder how I’ll grow from this experience.”

Shame Trigger 2:  “What if they don’t like it/me/this?”

Curiosity Trigger 2:  “This is going to be interesting-I wonder where this will lead me?”

Shame Trigger 3:  “I’m not qualified to do this.”

Curiosity Trigger 3:  “I wonder what I can add in to my knowledge or expertise to make this even better?”

Notice the pattern of the phrase, “I wonder…” This simple phrase is a deep and effective trigger to shift you from a shame reaction to a courageous and curious one.

We are always in the process of evolving into our greatness, try on replacing your automatic responses of shame, worry, and concern this week with those of curiosity, and see where it leads you – and let us know what you discover, we read and respond to every email.

Keep going, and keep growing!

We all possess the innate ability to boost our confidence levels in literally two minutes with this simple Confidence Boost.

Whether you’re starting a business, a movement, or just changing habits in your life it takes time, energy, persistence, tenacity, and confidence.

Lots and lots of confidence. But we don’t always have that level of confidence. Fortunately we all possess the innate ability to change our confidence level quite literally in two minutes.

Getting out there and starting something in the world really takes something. We have bad days, we’ve had bad experiences that we don’t want to repeat, other people’s negative messages get stuck in our heads….Yuck.

Out in the wild, animals express their dominance (an expression of confidence) by taking up more space. Appearing to be bigger than they actually are, pacing back-and-forth, puffing themselves up, and other displays. At our core, we are no different. Confident people often seem to take up more space in a room. They spread themselves out, use large hand gestures, and when they speak they often will move around quite a bit. Think about how a confident motivational speaker uses a stage-rarely that really ever stand in just one place, they use the entire stage.

On the other hand, when an animal or a human is feeling frightened or has a lack of confidence, they tend to make themselves small. Curling up in a ball, crossing your arms across your midsection, tucking your chin to your chest are some examples.

So we all know that body language affects the way that other people perceive us. But did you know that your body language also affects how YOU see you? And I’m not talking about looking in a mirror.

Researchers at Harvard have found that by adopting anyone of a number of “power poses” for 2 minutes, we can boost our confidence. These poses raise your level of testosterone (even in women) and lower your level of cortisol. No, you’re not going to get a burst of testosterone that’s going to make you more aggressive,but testosterone increase in both genders is associated with feelings of confidence, control, and well-being. Cortisol, on the other hand, is a stress hormone. It tends to be associated with the flight or fight response. So that’s definitely one that we want to keep low.

A number of examples of these “power poses” are shown below. Notice how the body is spread out, taking up more space, expanded:

Imagine what would happen if you did a power pose as a practice several times a day?

Even if you don’t need a confidence boost right now, I suggest you give these a try and make it part of your daily routine. It’s also useful when you’re going into a meeting, a networking event, or hitting the stage to speak.

Give it a try and let us know how it goes-comment below and share with your colleagues. Here’s to more confidence!