Creating happiness can cause a lot of problems. Achieving your dreams can sometimes feel like a letdown. You spend months and years working toward a goal–like a climber ascending Mount Everest. But when you achieve it and reach the summit, that moment right after you feel the triumph, there is an emptiness.
“What now?” You start to think.
This is the plight of the high achiever and the pitfall of the pursuit of happiness.
When we (my family and myself) first moved to Costa Rica 5+ years ago, it was a triumph. We accomplished a 5-year goal in 3 years, paying off our debts and finding ourselves in a tropical country with oodles of time and resources at hand. Do you know what I did first thing when we got here?
I slept. A lot.
About two weeks later, I found myself waking up early in the morning with a knot in my stomach, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was restless, picking up doing one thing and putting it down again, dissatisfied and unsettled. One night after dinner, I stood up from the table, exclaiming, “Holy crap!” (I didn’t say crap) “I know what this is!”
“WHAT?” said my startled and confused family.
I threw my hands up and said, “I’m bored.”
Thinking about it that evening, I realized that I hadn’t probably felt boredom since I was in my early 20s, which is more than nunyabizness years ago. I had been too damn busy pursuing my Perfect Day. Now that the dream had been realized, I was at a loss.
Five years have passed since that first dinner table exclamation, and here is what I’d love for you to know as you bring your dreams into reality:
- We are more familiar with the feelings associated with failure than we are with the ones related to success. As a result, having what you want can take some getting used to. Contentment, happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment are all muscles you need to flex in order to continue to create and have a life you love (and not sabotage yourself). The more you stop to appreciate your little successes and acknowledge yourself on a daily and weekly basis, the more you “exercise” those muscles.
- You may be so used to having a long to-do list, constantly doing things for others, always working under a deadline, etc., that when all of that disappears and you have an open space before you, it can feel like a chasm. Create a daily practice of being quiet and listening to your thoughts to get your mind used to being calmer and quieter. Use any kind of meditation or relaxation practice you like, or even go for a quiet walk or swim. A daily practice of this kind also results in getting amazing ideas and insights in my experience.
- When you find yourself feeling guilty or placeless because you don’t know what your next step is and you can choose anything you want, remember to breathe into giving yourself permission. Take 3-5 deep “letting go” breaths (add a sigh if you'd like; it deepens the relaxation response), and tell yourself something loving like: “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” Or, “All I need to do today is what I get done today.”
- Make a “dream list” of all the things you'd love to learn or do or try or experience. Would you like to learn a new language? Have you always wanted to take dance lessons or learn to paint? Volunteer to work with animals, children, or a cause that’s near and dear to your heart? What are all the books you’ve always wanted to read? As you create more time and money freedom, start choosing items off this list to put into your life, rather than creating more busy-ness. Pleasure makes us more productive, not less.
Do you feel like you have a “fear of success” or find yourself overwhelmed, at loose ends, or not sure where your next priority is? Are you taking tons of action, but not getting the results you want? Reach out for a discovery session, and let’s create the life and business of your dreams.
Let’s create the life and business of your dreams
